Tired....

I am really tired tonight - long day at work, and managed to drag my fat ass to the gym afterwards. Therefore, I am gonna relax in front of the TV rather than spend time writing in my blog. However, I was just browsing through some old documents, and I came across an article I wrote for my vet school website back at the end of vet school in 2003. As I am on the verge of beginning a new phase of my life (i.e. getting married in 2 weeks), I found it very interesting to go back in time a bit to see what I was feeling as I was about to begin my life as a full fledged vet. It all seemed so glamorous and impressive at the time. Now, it is just what I do for a living. Don't get me wrong, I love it...but its a job. At the time I wrote the following article, becoming a vet seemed like achieving the impossible dream. I will cut and paste it exactly as it was written, a lot of things will make no sense to many readers (as some of it discusses things particular to our school, our class, etc), but I haven't got the energy to edit it, and I think if I did, it would lose some of its charm. Give it a read, hopefully you will at least find it amusing!!!

The Final Countdown

Off into the Sunset…

May 10th, 2003. 9pm. As the final curtain closes on this year’s Final Year Review, it starts to hit me - Vet School is almost over. How did I get here? Where did the last five years go? I began to get nostalgic. Remembering my first journey over to the UK and how scary that was (it was my first trip outside of the US ever). Walking in to Clandon House (which many of you won’t have ever experienced, but those who have know exactly what I mean) for the first time, and wanting to jump on the next flight home. Finally meeting some of my classmates, and starting to settle in at the pub that first night. Man, how time flies.
I sat at dinner the other night with a few of my friends/classmates and we had a good long chat about the good ol’ days – they seem SO long ago, yet almost like yesterday. It is really difficult to imagine my life without these people in it. I’m not a sentimental man, but DAMN its gonna be hard. You don’t realise it much at the time, but in retrospect, you go through so much together – not only the stresses of every day life as a vet student, but personal non-vet related crises too. When you are so far from home, and your family is so far away, your friends become your family. After becoming so close to everyone, going back home with the knowledge that you won’t be seeing people near as often (in fact, let’s be honest, some people I will probably never see again) is a very painful prospect indeed.
The last few months have been a hell of a journey. Starting from Christmas 2002, I went home, took (and passed! YAY!) the American Boards, came back to the UK, started revising for finals, got them out of the way, then promptly started my elective. We had three weeks of teaching, then off home for Easter. Coming back here was probably as hard as it has ever been as I have had to “abandon” my British girlfriend back in NY to work and wait for me for 3 months. Emotional doesn’t describe it. To top the whole issue off, I was stuck in the f**king airport for 7.5 hours because of a delay due to “engine problems.” WHAT!? Engine problems?!?!?! After all of these 5 years and 30 trans-atlantic voyages, I figured that this was it. I would never actually become a vet because this plane was gonna go down, I was gonna die. But I digress.
Now I am actually supposed to be doing a project, but don’t know where to start writing it, and I have pretty much NO data to write about. Oh, and it’s due in about three weeks. Piece of cake, baby.
After our elective exams (and the “May” Ball), we are off to Greece together as a year. It’s gonna be great, our last big thing together as a year. Of course, in order to keep the trip as cheap as possible, we are flying at something like 3am out of East Midlands airport….But I digress.
Along comes graduation. In July. End of July. Could they drag this out a little bit longer perhaps??? Anyway, let me tell you something about graduation. We get this little packet in our pigeon holes to tell us all about this glorious ceremony. You are allowed 2 “priority” guests with potentially 2 “alternate” guests or something ridiculous like that. Great, so my family flies over here 3500 miles to see me graduate, and only 2 can come in. Superb.
Next little piece of paper in the packet is one from some professional photography place. For the mere price of 146 quid, you can have some pictures taken of you and your “family” (i.e. 2 priority guests), and they throw in a “frame” (probably cardboard) for free. Oh yeah, and to send it to you in the US, it only costs an additional 25 quid. You know what I think?? Professional photography can bite me, I’ll have my dad bring along the ol’ digital camera and the video camera, and we’ll get our own lovely pictures for FREE. Sorted.
Next piece of paper in the packet describes a “catered” lunch at the venue for the bargain price of 10 pounds per person. I wonder if catered means the same little disgusting sandwiches, cold chicken wings, bowls of stale crisps and small pitchers of Orange Juice that they have been providing us at “catered” events since first year. The final insult was that in order to wear one of those posh black robe things for graduation, you had to pay 30 pounds to rent it for the day. 30 pounds. Like I haven’t paid enough over the last 5 years. One of my buddies said, “For that much money, those f**king things better be laced with gold. We should all just go buy some black sheets at tesco and engrave ‘F**K YOU RVC!’ on the back of them.” I doubt that would go over well, but point taken. Oh, and lest I forget the nominal fee of 240 pounds to become a member of the esteemed RCVS - A drop in the ocean to those (like myself) who are so far in debt that a song was inspired by our plight (see “American Money”, FYR, 2003).
After this wonderfully expensive day, we have the Graduation Ball to look forward to, and then we go our separate ways. And that, my friends, is all she wrote. I will fly home, and a week and a half later I will start working. Yes, that’s right, in 1.5 weeks you go from student to full fledged vet, and nothing will be able to prepare us for that first day/week/month. Do I feel prepared for this responsibility??? Hell no. Not that it is the RVC’s fault; I don’t think there is anything that can prepare you for this sort of thing. The best thing you can do is be sure that you take a job that is supportive of new graduates, as you will need to be surrounded by people who are going to have your back when you inevitably screw up over your first few months. Some people look for the job where they can make the most money. Me, I took the first job I interviewed at because the senior partner was the nicest man I have ever met, he made me feel like I was important, intelligent and WANTED. The monetary aspect is competitive, sure, but what was most important to me was the atmosphere of the clinic. I spent some time, took it all in, and realised that it was definitely the place for me. So that is my advice to you – yes, money is nice (especially when you have to pay back a hundred zillion billion dollars [hell, it may as well be]), but the support you are offered over your first six months in practice is worth a hell of a lot more.
Here I sit, on the brink of going home for good. What will I miss most about the UK? Pubs. Good beer. Beautiful scenery. History everywhere you go. The lovely people (especially compared to your average New Yorker!) and general attitude of this country. Driving on the wrong side of the road. Seeing movies at the cinema after they have already come out on video back home. Good friends in close proximity. Did I mention good beer?
I find myself conflicted; I am ecstatic to finally be achieving this goal that I have had for so many years, but at the same time terribly sad for everything that you lose once you graduate – closeness with friends, lack of real responsibility, the excuse to remain a “kid”, FREE TIME – all of it will fade soon after graduation. Like Billy Joel (a fellow New Yorker) says in one of his songs, “This is the time to remember, ‘Cause it will not last forever. These are the days to hold on to, ‘Cause we won’t although we’ll want to.” Amen my brother. I’m gonna try my hardest to enjoy these last couple of months – appreciate being with my friends, and appreciate several nice cold pints of Guinness. As I stride off into the sunset, I have no regrets…only gratitude.

Well, it seems that most of what I predicted has come true - life without the constant communication with many of my close friends has been difficult, and I miss them (and the UK) every day. I am so thankful to have had these times with these people, and I honestly feel that I am a better person (and a better vet!) for having known them. The reason I am even bothering to post this article is because of my impending nuptials...around 20 people from my class of 118 are making the trek from around the world to come and see me. That is incredible to me, that so many people would do that. I have the best friends in the world, I love all of them so god damn much, and like I said in my final statement in the article, "As I stride off into the sunset, I have no regrets...only gratitude."

Peace,

-B