Reality TV

Man, was tonight a friggin' spectacular night of reality television programming!!! Honestly, I haven't laughed so hard in a while. Let me explain...

First we started watching "America's Next Top Model" on UPN. This show CANNOT MISS in my eyes. I mean think about it: a bunch of hot chicks strolling around in skimpy clothes...that alone would be enough, but the icing on the cake is that it is a competition - girls competing = CAT FIGHTS. Bound to happen. In any case, at the end of the show, some chick was standing there getting criticized about her walk or makeup or some bullshit...one of the judges was telling her that she needs more "presence" and I noticed the girl's eyes rolling up in her head. I thought, "Man, that is rude, why the hell is she rolling her eyes at that judge??"...that is until I noticed the girl tilting backwards. Then hit the floor, almost lifeless. I immediately burst into raucous laughter. This girl literally fell back as if someone inside her head yelled "TIMBER!!!" - she looked like a tree cut down by a lumberjack. It was the funniest god damn thing I had ever seen. Turns out she has some weird unknown medical condition - since she was 3 years old, she will occasionally just pass out for undetermined reasons. You should have seen her hit the deck, man was that priceless. Not only was that funny, but the looks on everyone else's faces was absolutely incredible....the look of shock on some, fright on others, one girl even turned away as if someone's head exploded. Meanwhile, they all left her lying there on the floor for a good 30 seconds before anyone did anything. I laughed so hard I almost vomitted my dinner on the carpet.

Next was "American Idol". I really hate this show, but at this point I watch it as if I were watching a bi-weekly train wreck. I just like to see these idiots embarrass themselves and Simon tell it like it is. This is possibly the worst bunch of "singers" to date, in my mind. Anyway, the funniest part about this show is that the producers decided to have the remaining finalists sing an original song together each week for 3 weeks, then have the public vote on which they like the best. The one that wins will be released as a single...well, the first of three was "sang" tonight. Again, I almost hurled I was laughing so hard. What a bunch of SHIT. It sounds like it was a collaboration of Richard Marx, Kenny G, and John Tesh (with a special verse written by Yanni) which was performed by a bunch of out-of-tune mental patients. Just watching them all looking into the camera so seriously, so intently...and singing the worst song ever created, I could not help but laugh my god damn ass off.

Oh, and let me make my American Idol predictions....the next one to get kicked off will be the chick with her eyes too close together who has the horrendous deep voice (Mikayla?), and the one who is going to win will be the long haired rocker dude with the long hair and deep voice (Bo). My favorite in the competition is the fat retarded looking guy with the ghetto facial hair and clothes. There is no way he will win, but he's up there singin' it for all of us chunky bastards. REPRESENT, brutha.

Then I put on "Celebrity Poker Showdown," and the laughs drifted away....

Now I am watching the new "South Park" in the hopes that the laughter will reappear. So far, no luck....this may very well be the end of Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny if these guys don't start stepping it up...this season's new episodes have SUCKED. But I digress...

New DMB album out May 10th!!!! YEAH BABY!!!

-B