"What's Your Opinion?"

Ahhhhhhhhh the perks of being a vet!! Just this past Monday, our boss hands us a pair of tickets to see Jackie Mason on Broadway for Wednesday night! A bit last minute, but what the heck, right?? A nice night in the city never hurt anyone!

So, we get dressed all nicely and hop on the LIRR into the city to meet my sister (who lives there) for an early dinner before the show. To make a long story short, there was a malfunctioning Amtrak train at Penn Station that was creating "a smoke problem," thus shutting down Penn Station. Where was I? Sitting on a train waiting to get IN to Penn. I was extremely glad at that moment that I wasn't one of those people commuting to and from NYC everyday, as my sister called me from outside the station saying that there were about 10 million people trying to get their trains home. Yes, this was during rush hour (it was around 5:30pm). Ouch. Needless to say, I told my sis to go home as I was sure it would be a while til I got off the train. We eventually got off at 7ish (delayed over an hour), grabbed a quick bite at a deli before our 8pm show.

The show was great, Jackie Mason is one funny-ass Jew. His one-liners frequently began with "Have you read about this?" and ended with "Nazi Bastards" or "Son of a Bitches" or...."What's Your Opinion?" For instance...."I am a very good looking and famous man, have you read about this?" and "The FCC has some noyve (nerve) with how they treat Howard Stoyne (Stern). They fine him 5 million bucks every time a doytee (dirty) woyd (word) is muttered, but I see more filthy disgustin' stuff on the television every day that I never hoyd (heard) on his show. Last night I was sitting in front of my television set with my dish of soup, getting ready to eat my tasty meal, when all of a sudden what comes on the TV? Some schmuck says 'Hello! Do you have constipation??' Who the fuck wants to hear about that when I am eating my dinner?!? Nazi bastards!! Son of a bitches!!" Very entertaining stuff, and the best part...it was free!!

After the show, we headed back to Penn Station to catch the train home. The return journey was on time and much less eventful that our outgoing trip. However, there was some old scraggly bastard on our train coughing as if he had tuberculosis, it hurt to hear this guy hacking and spluttering. The fucker didn't even cover his mouth!!! I would have smacked him one if I weren't afraid of my hand becoming infected and rotting off....in retrospect, I suppose I should be very thankful that that dirty infective asshole wasn't on our train on the way into the city...!

Have you read about this?

-B