Grrrrrrr........

Today was just one of those days that make you want to slam your fist into a wall. Frustrating doesn't even begin to describe it! Let me fill you in...

First, I get to the gym at around 10am. I get on the treadmill, and start my routine - basically, I go at 3.6 mph and the elevation of the treadmill varies according to my heart-rate. So, basically, I have to hold the sensors so my heart rate registers with the machine, so I get a proper workout. Well, the one I started on today was doing fine, then whenever I would get to an elevation of 10%, my heartrate would suddenly no longer register, and the elevation would rapidly drop. I had to grip the stupid goddamn sensor harder than if I were stuck upside down in a goddamn roller coaster. Then it would start to register again at around elevation of 2%....go back to 10%....and then stop registering again!! After the second time, I switched machines....to one which wasn't registering my heart rate at all. "FUCK THIS!" I exclaimed, and went to a different type of treadmill altogether to finish my workout.

Got home, and decided we should head straight out to do a bit of shopping - no lunch, just out to shop...we started at Home Depot, looking for a new BBQ grill. We found a great one for a good deal, but decided to have a look at BJ's Wholesale Club to see if they had anything better....so, we headed over there.

BJ's is a SHITHOLE. I hate that place, and when my membership runs out in august, I am switching to Costco. Here's why: You walk in the door, and you are greeted by low-life morons who work there, trying to sell you a T-Mobile phone. You navigate the aisles, looking for a few particular things - CLIF bars, Altoids, BBQ's - and not only do they NOT HAVE the things you need, but pieces of trailer-park-looking-trash wander around with their huge 80's style hair, looking for the best deal on massive bags of chips and dog food. I do not mind this....however, what I DO mind is that they stop in the middle of the aisles, with their cart wedged up against their buddy's cart, blocking ALL TRAFFIC FLOW...and they have the audacity to look at ME funny when I slam my cart into theirs so I can merely pass their fat asses that happen to be jammed into acid-washed cutoff jeans. Bottom line: BBQ's were horrible, they had no Altoids or CLIF bars, place packed with rejects...We got the hell out of there faster than a 13 year old boy running away from Michael Jackson (innocent??!?! Please!).

Next, back to Home Depot where we bought the grill without incident. However, right next to Home Depot was a Staples, which had a safe that we wanted to buy to keep some of our valuables in. We dropped in, and found a sign saying the safe we wanted came with a $75 rebate...PERFECT! Our luck was a changin', right?!?!?

WRONG!

We get to the cashier, after having shlepped this huge heavy friggin' safe onto the cart, and the total comes up, we pay it, and ask where the rebate form is. The extremely intelligent (I AM JOKING!) arab woman merely states that no rebate came up on the computer, therefore there isn't one.

Here we go...

I say, "Excuse me. I would not have purchased this safe at this price if it had no rebate. I assure you, the sign said there is a rebate."

"Well, I am going to have to call customer service."

"Please do."

Then some little scrawny Chris-Rock-lookalike comes up, and goes to the back, brings up a little tag saying that the price we were charged was appropriate.

I have had enough of this fucking shit.

"Listen, sir, I am not fucking blind, I saw a sign saying there was a $75 rebate."

Then he starts getting loud with me.

"This price is appropriate, there IS NO SIGN."

Oh, no he didn't.

"Can I show you the sign I was referring to??"

He makes a little gesture between an exasperated sigh and a laugh.

That little piece of shit, minimum wage making motherf**ker.

I take him to the back, show him the sign.

"Oh....well, this sign is for a different safe."

"No it isn't, genius, it is the SAME MODEL NUMBER! MORON!!!"

"Oh...yeah. Well, this should have been taken down. This offer expired a couple of days ago."

"NOT MY PROBLEM PAL, the sign is up, I DEMAND this price or you can take your safe and shove it up your ass!!!!!"

Bottom line - we didn't get the rebate...but we got the safe for $75 (+tax!) less, and didn't even have to send away for a rebate. And I will never step foot into that den of idiocy again

Next, we head home, and I can't get the safe out of the car. Oy vey.

We decide to put the grill together, so we can christen it tonight....2 hours (+ sunburnt neck and head) later, it is assembled. Then I had to go get a propane tank, got the tank and attached it to the grill....and the ignition thing didn't work. GREAT. Turns out, the little spark thingy was off to the side a bit, I turned it a bit and it worked. *Whew*

My buddy Lenny came by to help me get the safe out of my car. We get it into the house, get it into position....and can't get the god damn mother humpin' thing to open. We put the key in, turned it, nothing would work. I had reached the end of my tolerance, I decided I was going to throw the whole thing in the garbage. My infinitely more patient wife decided to do the logical thing and call the company. Turns out....we needed to put batteries into the electric keyboard thing to get it to work. So we did...and it works.

To make this day from hell complete....the grill scraper I bought was not usable on our grill - because our grill is porcelain not stainless steel, and the scraper would damage it.

At least the BBQ worked, had some yummy chicken and salmon, and can soon watch Inferno on MTV, and go to sleep, where I will dream of fat 80's chicks getting busy with Chris Rock retards inside of my safe....

Oh man do I need a nap.