Josh's Request

My old high school buddy Josh (and his wife Jan) asked me to post how Angela is feeling and coping with life after birth, and I aim to please!

When asked to reply to the request, Angela said she feels "Overwhelmed. Exhausted. Tired. Sore all over. But I love her so much."

So, since it is my blog, I will take the liberty of elaborating on that a bit. Josh and Jan, when you read this, please keep in mind...you asked for it. :) I won't sugar coat it, so hopefully it will give you a bit of an idea what to expect and make the unknown a bit less scary for you.

Basically, Day 1 when we got home from the hospital, Ella didn't sleep much at all. In fact, she screamed and fussed most of the night, and with Angela just starting to get the hang of breastfeeding and me just getting used to having a baby around, we both asked ourselves how in the hell we were going to be able to handle this responsibility. Things do seem quite scary at 2am when you have been overwhelmed with stress and are sleep (and proper nutrition) deprived for days.

Each day has gotten better since. Ella is starting to get into a routine with her feedings and is sleeping a lot more. Last night she was fed around 1am and slept through til 5am. That was really great progress, trust me. Ella and Angela are both in the process of getting to know each other and it is really nice to watch them bond. Ella and I are also bonding in a different way - she hangs with me while I watch tv or sit online, she fits neatly into the crook of my arm, and she is starting to take interest in me, staring at my face from time to time. One can only guess at what she might be thinking...

But I guess none of this has really answered the question of how Angela is feeling. From her perspective, she feels like a total mess - emotional, engorged, sore EVERYWHERE. Constantly having the struggle of breastfeeding is really quite taxing. Before Ella came, we thought people must be nuts for not breastfeeding - why would anyone buy formula when perfectly natural, complete food is made for you already? Well...I now know why. It is NOT an easy thing to breastfeed. Especially at the engorgment stage (which we are currently in), where her breasts are so full that they are solid as rocks and so painful that it makes her cry. Add to that cracked, raw, bleeding nipples and you can see why people would rather mix some warm water with some powder, chuck it in a bottle and feed that way.

Now from my perspective - Angela is doing AMAZINGLY well. She has just been through such a physical and emotional battle getting this baby out, and she is bouncing back like a champ. She has stitches where the sun don't shine. She is achy all over. To add insult to injury, she has a sore throat starting up. But every day she is smiling and fussing over our little girl. She knows that Ella doesn't mean to make life difficult, that she simply doesn't know any better at the moment, and each day gets a little bit easier. She looks INCREDIBLE - her belly is almost completely gone, you would never know she just had a baby. Yes, she gets emotional from time to time, but who wouldn't?!? I tell her a million times a day how proud of her I am yet still I can't say it enough, because it is not expressable in words how she inspires me.

So...yes, the responsibilty and entire experience is overwhelming. Tiring. Exhausting. Physically painful. Scary. And indescribably beautiful. Wouldn't change one second of it for the world.