Shaving...

I really hate shaving. My skin just detests it. I have tried everything: electric razors, Gilette Sensor, Excel, Mach 1,2,3,4,5, etc. I have purchased over 5,000 different types of pre-shave, intra-shave and post-shave creams, gels, sprays and dips...and nothing friggin' works. EVERY morning, I wake up and try to prolong the inevitable. I have a seat on the throne, read a few stories in my "Uncle John's Bathroom Reader," just trying to get my mind off of what is about to happen. When I finish "dropping the kids off at the pool," the struggle begins. I scrub my face with a pre-shave scrub, apply the "sensitive skin" shaving gel, and proceed to rip the hell out of my neck. Then, after the massacre, I apply some "healing" cream. When I walk out of the bathroom, I look like a god damn leper or something, my neck all red and bumpy, as if I had just rubbed some sandpaper across my skin. As the day progresses, my skin starts to heal (unless I wear a shirt with a collar that is too high, snug or stiff, which irritates the hell out of it all day long), and by the time I go to bed at night, my neck looks decent. Then I get to wake up the next day and start the whole process all over again. Can NOONE, in this day and age, where we have such technology that allows us to watch video tape from the surface of Mars as well as create Italian Ices in a multitude of delightful flavors, create a god damn razor blade that doesn't destroy a man's skin??? PLEASE?!?!?!

That said, I was thinking about what I would look like with a completely bald head...which obviously would necessitate using the previously mentioned razor on my HEAD...and thinking of getting razor burn all over my skull basically drove the idea out of my brain. For now. Until someone creates "the perfect razor." Maybe I should look into that....

Laters,

-B